Grad School Diaries

September 13, 2008

Elements of the Ridiculous

Filed under: College,Flirting,Language — folledemot @ 7:52 pm

(It took me roughly a half an hour to figure out where I had heard that phrase before)

Back when I was writing under the nom de blog The Senior Senior, I spent a fair amount of space yammering on about a couple of crushes:  GSS, who, as a crush object, is no more, but is a stand up friend, and The Young Man.  Things seemed promising between The Young Man and I ages ago, but times have changed.  I kept wondering if I had completely misinterpreted things in the beginning, but now I think I was on track and wrong only to the extent he would be willing to pursue anything.  By which I mean that while he was (and maybe still is) attracted to me, I (for reasons I suspect I will never know) am just not his idea of “girlfriend material.”  Actually, I suspect that I have spent most of my life not being girlfriend material, although I’m not sure why.  I have it on good authority that I am an excellent girlfriend, not that it’s a goal of mine or anything, which could be why I am not perceived as being said girlfriend material.  Pardon me for preferring to work on being a good linguist.

So yes, I still have a bit of a crush on The Young Man, inconvenient though that may be.  However, much to my dismay, I have developed a new crush on a man, who, although not a coworker (which is always dicey), is nevertheless a not-especially-appropriate-person-to-have-a-crush-on.  Making matters worse is that he’s someone I see frequently, and propinquity is a bitch for tamping down crushes.

Now for the elements of the ridiculous.

I was out and about last night with some grad school cronies, shooting the shit and just generally having a good time.  And then I see Not So Very Appropriate Man.  If I hadn’t realized my inconvenient crush, I might not have gone to say hi, or went over to say hi – it would have been 6 of one, if you will.  However, with the crush working its wonders on me, I felt compelled to go over and say hi, all the while kicking myself for doing so.  Imagine the scenario:  A well-lighted place (a hipster hangout for all us arugula-eating liberal types).  I approach him, just to say hi, mind you.  We talk, and he’s involved in the conversation (good), but checked his phone twice (not so good).  It was a good conversation, and I had the presence of mind to excuse myself before I was given the hook.  I wasn’t flirting, but I wasn’t not flirting.

Being a serious-minded type, I don’t handle these things with aplomb.  In fact, much of my motivation stems from the hopelessly uncool 13 year-old girl with headgear that I once was back in the 80s.  This is clearly neither the best offense nor the best defense.

And so, I am forced to count down to the end of the semester, hoping that Spring semester will bring relief to what I suspect will be a very awkward 13 weeks.

Bleah.

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